As soon as I pick up my books I fall asleep. I have an exam in 12 hours and I still haven't looked at my notes. All I want to do is sit infront of this screen looking for distractions. This is the most i've spent on this infernal machine in probably 3 months. This may the first time I actually do terrible on a test and it be my fault.

I used to have pride in my self confidence. Throughout highschool I always had the highest self-esteem. While my peers were down on themselves, some even hurting themselves, I always loved who I was. Where is that going?

It's not that any love has been lost, but i'm not just as confident. I suppose in high school we were so tightly knit together. I was close with many people, I knew that so many had loved me. I mean that's what teenagers are like right? You love your friends like they are your family. Though as the years go by, you still love them, but you drift from certain ones. It's a love for who you used to be. I have a handful I know that absolutely adore me. I'm their family. And that makes up for those relationships that have drifted away.

But without those showers of loves, those incessant hugging-fests, self confidence begins to wane. I still love who I am, but I find i'm regressing to those insecure highschool years I never experienced. No, not insecurity, just uncertainty.

But hey! I'm 20, this is how i'm supposed to feel right?