Thursday, February 12, 2004
why sober?
I am not against drugs, I just don;t do them.
That's what I say everytime someone offers me a smoke, a toke or whatever. Same goes for alcohol. I've realized that this is only half true. I mean I don;t think anyone should do hard drugs. And as a psychology student I know exactly how drugs alter the chemistry of your brain, causing reactions that your body has evolved to prevent at all cost when you are sober. I mean if the stuff that happened to you when your high happened without a drug, you would be diagnosed with a neurological disorder.
However when it comes to alcohol and pot I guess i'm not really against it. My friends, boyfriend, parents can drink all the hell they want. Then why don't I? I guess I would say i'm scared. Not in the sense you are thinking though. I;m not scared like a 15 year old out wit her friends getting drunk for the first time, hoping that they won't get caught when they stumble into the house. No, I know I would be okay.
The honest truth is I hate the feeling of loosing control. I hate that feeling of roller blading down the hill, picking up speed faster and faster and you know that gravity is running the show, not you. That's what I equate drugs to. i'm not talking about adrenaline or a rush or anything, just this "I'm not in complete control of myself"
So you say I don't know that that is what it will feel like, or even if it is similar that I won;t like it in this context. Well I may have never had alcohol or pot or anything but I have had my experiences with drugs. I know what it is like to loose complete control of your emotions. Do you know what it feels like to be in utter disappear, and it's the funniest thing in the world. Word of wisdom, do not read "1984" in that state, you already feel enough that you control nothing about yourself without reading that book. I've also been stoned. Yes it has been of anti-histamines, but I was hardly 90 pounds, they hit me and hit me hard. I know it's probably not like a "real" stone, but I know I hated the feeling. I laid on my bed for an hour, levitating above it and floating down like a feather over and over. These were perscription and over the counter drugs. I mean the high you get after really good sex, as much of how good it feels, it still gets me a little on edge.
Drugs are just not for me. I know that.
But,
Sometimes I wish when I'm stressed as hell that I could sit and have a drink. Of course there has been the odd moment when I have felt left out when all my friends are drinking, espesically if i'm the only sober one there. And most of all i'd love to drink with kurt. We are so great when we are sober, I'd love to see what we would be like when we;re drunk.
That's what I say everytime someone offers me a smoke, a toke or whatever. Same goes for alcohol. I've realized that this is only half true. I mean I don;t think anyone should do hard drugs. And as a psychology student I know exactly how drugs alter the chemistry of your brain, causing reactions that your body has evolved to prevent at all cost when you are sober. I mean if the stuff that happened to you when your high happened without a drug, you would be diagnosed with a neurological disorder.
However when it comes to alcohol and pot I guess i'm not really against it. My friends, boyfriend, parents can drink all the hell they want. Then why don't I? I guess I would say i'm scared. Not in the sense you are thinking though. I;m not scared like a 15 year old out wit her friends getting drunk for the first time, hoping that they won't get caught when they stumble into the house. No, I know I would be okay.
The honest truth is I hate the feeling of loosing control. I hate that feeling of roller blading down the hill, picking up speed faster and faster and you know that gravity is running the show, not you. That's what I equate drugs to. i'm not talking about adrenaline or a rush or anything, just this "I'm not in complete control of myself"
So you say I don't know that that is what it will feel like, or even if it is similar that I won;t like it in this context. Well I may have never had alcohol or pot or anything but I have had my experiences with drugs. I know what it is like to loose complete control of your emotions. Do you know what it feels like to be in utter disappear, and it's the funniest thing in the world. Word of wisdom, do not read "1984" in that state, you already feel enough that you control nothing about yourself without reading that book. I've also been stoned. Yes it has been of anti-histamines, but I was hardly 90 pounds, they hit me and hit me hard. I know it's probably not like a "real" stone, but I know I hated the feeling. I laid on my bed for an hour, levitating above it and floating down like a feather over and over. These were perscription and over the counter drugs. I mean the high you get after really good sex, as much of how good it feels, it still gets me a little on edge.
Drugs are just not for me. I know that.
But,
Sometimes I wish when I'm stressed as hell that I could sit and have a drink. Of course there has been the odd moment when I have felt left out when all my friends are drinking, espesically if i'm the only sober one there. And most of all i'd love to drink with kurt. We are so great when we are sober, I'd love to see what we would be like when we;re drunk.
