I love to play music.
I love to sing.
I love to play the piano.

And I'm not trying to talk myself up, but I think that I do have some amount of talent at it. My piano playing is pretty shaky now since I have stoped taking lesson. I never have the time to sit down and really play anymore, and most of the songs I knew really well, well I don't know them so well anymore. However, I know that if I did have the time to sit down and practice then I would get most of it back. Like riding a bike you know.

In regards to singing, I probably do that more than I ever did because of geek beer and all. In highschool, no one really knew how much I loved to sing. Sure some knew, but unlike others, it wasn't something I was known for. Not that bothered me or anything. I really enjoy being able to sing. I mean really sing. As loud as I want, however I want to. It's nice to be able to do it for other people too. It's not like I suffer from the delusion that people are there specifically to see me (i know it's the cheap drinks baby) but it's nice to be able to direct it to someone, rather than just the inside of my car.

So I can sing.

But you know what? Every time I hear others, I'm so jealous that they get to sing their own words, play their own melody, when I have to sing someone elses.I'm so jealous that they can write their own songs and that I can't.

It's not like I haven't tried. I've tried a billion times (I might be exgerating a little bit). But everytime I try it turns out wrong. It's too simple. It doesn't flow. It seems forced. Most of the time it sounds like a country song, and I don't even like country.

And the few times I have thought that something was half decent and I have mustered up the courage to play it to someone, I have always been disapointed. It seems I'm not insecure about my talents, others think the same too.

I end up scraping it, forgetting most of it except for a line here and there.


Today I sat down at the piano and I played for at least three hours. I played the same 4 chords over and over again for 3 hours. I played around. I started with and idea, and in the end I had something that resemble what you might call a song. Yes it is simple. I'm not sure if it flows. It's not country though.

For the first time ever I feel okay about it. I probably won't ever play it for anyone, it's a big enough deal that I'm even writing about it.I have very few insecurities, but this is one of the.

But I won't forget this one.

I don't care if it is crap, it's mine and I like it.