I had one drink last night. I wanted more, but once again I wore my cabi hat for the evening. I needed to get home so that I could read and study and worry about school.

one point away from an A-. I know a B+ is good. I know that. But right now it is the only thing keeping me from benifiting from all the hard work I put in to it all.

This summer....this summer. I don't know what to think about it all. Everything seems so up in the air.

For the first time in my life my whole family will be together. Aunts/uncles/cousins. No one missing. For the first time I will be seen as a grown up. I'm the baby. Well one of the babies. I'll be bringing the boy for everyone to meet.

I'll visit the big city, so we don;t have to go a full 4 months apart. If we get a week in there it will make it feel more managable. But you work all day. I'll roam the city, ride the subway, try not to spend all my money. I'll spend half the trip all by myself. Maybe I'll try and find that old bookstore again. I'll sit and talk to the nice man with the white hair about Eva Cassidy, and I'll buy books and read in sunny corners all over the city. I'll go into musics stores and buy arm loads of sheet music. Music that I will never properly learn, but will pick up every 2 months or so to give it another go.

I'll drink wine. I'll sit outside and tell stories and laugh. Maybe I'll get to know those people who have been in my life for so long. I'll spend too much money on eating out. I'll make sure I bring a sweater so I don't get too cold.

I'll have barbeques. I'll go down to the cottage for a day, so that I can remenice about childhoood. I wish I could see you. That I could go visit. In the last 6 years I have seen you for 3 days. I've written but you never write back. It's okay. I'm planning to come see you. A plan is in the works.

Sometimes you need to let it all out to someone who doesn't really know you. As many pictures of us I have smiling 4 year old smiles to the camera, we really don't know anything about eachother. I love meeting new people. I love learning about them. getting a feel for their history. Learning to predict what they will say. Everytime we meet up, it's like getting to know eachother all over again. But we always end up in the same place and that's the important thing.

This summer I will sleep on couches and share beds. I will wear the same clothes two days in a row because I forgot the pack a bag. It is the only way I won't shut myself off in my own little fall asleep infront of the TV world.

This summer I will wath Batman.