I have five hang nails. My fingers are rebelling against the long hours typing paper after paper after presentation.

Today just was no good. It wasn't as bad as I was prediciting it to be, but I even knew I was exagerating. It was worse than I wanted it to be. I feel stupid. I feel judged. I feel so tired.

But it is done right? and in the next two days I will try and do something fun. I'll go to the geek beer, I'll go to movie night. I most likely will not drink, but that's no different from ususal. I'll try and put behind this stress, this feeling of ...failure? I didn't fail. I gave a shitty presentation. It may have cost me my program. I'll have to deal with that. There are so many more things in my life that will be more important than that presentation.

I need to laugh. Laugh till I can't breath. Laugh till I revert to the laugh I have been trying to banish since I was a little kid. That embarrsing laugh that I've been able to hide from everyone till now. Laugh till it looks like I am pain.

My Grandmother called me last night to tell me she sent me a "easter gift" in the mail. This means somewhere between 20 and 100 $. I've already decided what I am buying. Season 6. I'm skipping number 5 for now (stupid Dawn).

When I feel like crap I buy things.
When I feel like crap I dress up.
When I feel like crap I eat junk food.

I feel like crap.