When I was little I hated listening to music late at night. This wasn't always the case. In grade five I met Amanda. She had just moved from Ottawa. She was smart, artsy and weird. I loved her. We became best-friends almost instantly. For two years we were unseperable. After I moved away we kept in touch for awhile but by the time we were in high school we didn't talk anymore.

Amanda used to sleep with the radio on. We had weekly sleepovers. I would sleep on the top bunk. Amanda was who introduced me to horror movies. First horror movie I ever saw? "Lost boys". I was never scared during the movies (maybe a little jumpy) but as it is with me, laying in bed always brings on the thoughts and the fear. It didn't help that we would play with Oujia boards for hours.

I know I associated those silly fears with music at night. This is particulary true with popular music. I would get a funny feeling in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. Only at night. When we would drive late at night I would always want to listen to the CBC because it was talk radio instead of music.

It was a silly childhood thing. I got over it. It's just music right.

Except for tonight at work I was watching TV. At three in the morning I turned it over to one of our two music video stations and that same feeling came rushing back to me. That nervousness, that fear.

weird