Wednesday, July 21, 2004
gasping for air
Have you ever had a thought pop into your head, something you have been trying your hardest not to think about, and it takes your breath away. It's like someone is telling you bad news and it your left there with no air in your lungs.
It has been happening to me all day.
Only thing is , is that each time it happens I don't know what thought is popping into my head. It could be the most random thing in the world, and it just sets me off, leaving gasping for air.
It has been happening to me all day.
Only thing is , is that each time it happens I don't know what thought is popping into my head. It could be the most random thing in the world, and it just sets me off, leaving gasping for air.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
I've never tried to describe it.
It's like everything gets my nervous system going. Like I'm on speed. As if thoughts could race through your body, pinching and kicking any organ it can find. My head feels like..well like I could never sleep again. Thoughts racing so fast that you can't grab ahold of them and see what they are.
You know when you wake up and you had been laying on your hand all night? That's what my body feels like. Like someone has cut off the blood. Lifeforce gone.
I'm reading any chance I can get. So I can feel what they feel. In the book she's confused as hell. Maybe that's why I am too.
I think dancing may just harm me.
It's like everything gets my nervous system going. Like I'm on speed. As if thoughts could race through your body, pinching and kicking any organ it can find. My head feels like..well like I could never sleep again. Thoughts racing so fast that you can't grab ahold of them and see what they are.
You know when you wake up and you had been laying on your hand all night? That's what my body feels like. Like someone has cut off the blood. Lifeforce gone.
I'm reading any chance I can get. So I can feel what they feel. In the book she's confused as hell. Maybe that's why I am too.
I think dancing may just harm me.
Monday, July 19, 2004
crawling up the wall
Once again.
This will be my third biopsy in a year and a half. Something is "not right". So they bottle me up and send me to a lab.
Negative.
Twice now. But everytime I go back something is "not right".
They are the only tests i'm glad i've flunked.
It's come to the point where I expect it to be the same. I would just like to know the same means. Am I just different? or will I be a magazine article about how yearly appointments are critical so you can catch things just in time?
My aunt lost the abililty to have more children because something was "not right".
The last test, they didn't even tell me what the results were. I'm assuming I failed again.
Well at least I get to ride in a wheel chair.
This will be my third biopsy in a year and a half. Something is "not right". So they bottle me up and send me to a lab.
Negative.
Twice now. But everytime I go back something is "not right".
They are the only tests i'm glad i've flunked.
It's come to the point where I expect it to be the same. I would just like to know the same means. Am I just different? or will I be a magazine article about how yearly appointments are critical so you can catch things just in time?
My aunt lost the abililty to have more children because something was "not right".
The last test, they didn't even tell me what the results were. I'm assuming I failed again.
Well at least I get to ride in a wheel chair.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
tick
tick
tick
little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and wey
along came a spider
and sat down beside her
and frightened miss muffet away
boom
tick
tick
little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and wey
along came a spider
and sat down beside her
and frightened miss muffet away
boom
Thursday, July 15, 2004
tuesday
-pain, lots and lots of pain
-shopping. I bought a pink hat!
Wednesday
-More pain
-doctors appoinment. DRUGS!
- no more pain!!!
Thursday
-Blind dog
-She gets loose outside! Where is she?!
-search party through woods. Climb down big rocks, through bushes, falling trees!
-Found her!
-Lost drugs in the woods!
-PAIN!!!!
Monday, July 12, 2004
thunder
I could just scream. If it wasn't for the entire novel I plowed through today (and the boy time)I would just give up, go to bed and not get up till september.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
It's not really there
Had a great time last night. Enjoyed hanging out with everybody and singing. I wasn't aware that people have never heard me sing like that.
It's really nice to be able to hang out with people that you dohn't get to during the school year. You almost forget how cool they are. And I forgot how good suza was at the guitar. All self taught too! *jealous*
One month exactly to our trip. I'm getting excited. It's my first "grown up trip". It's wonderful to have it with him. We're starting off togther, growing up togther. It's nice.
i took a lot of pictures last night. At moments I just say people as I wanted to remember them. And I got another one of the boy singing and playing guitar. Those are my favorite.
Anyways I'm gonna go cry now. I'm so excited! Yay for chick flicks!
It's really nice to be able to hang out with people that you dohn't get to during the school year. You almost forget how cool they are. And I forgot how good suza was at the guitar. All self taught too! *jealous*
One month exactly to our trip. I'm getting excited. It's my first "grown up trip". It's wonderful to have it with him. We're starting off togther, growing up togther. It's nice.
i took a lot of pictures last night. At moments I just say people as I wanted to remember them. And I got another one of the boy singing and playing guitar. Those are my favorite.
Anyways I'm gonna go cry now. I'm so excited! Yay for chick flicks!
