Another 12 hour day today. I worked from 3 till 1 last night, and started 7 this morning. That means I had 8 hours between shifts. Funfun. However it means that I am at my hours. That means that I have the next 4 days off in a row! Two will be spent packing and moving, but the other two days I can do whatever.

Nothing other than work and moving to talk about.

I'm thinking of you. We'll have a ,ovie night when you are up to it.

I've got the power set up. Tomorrow I set up the phones and such. Waiting on jon about the cable situation.

I still have all my clothes to pack. I still have stuff I need to buy for the kitchen. Salt and pepper shakers. Baking pans. I'm sure there is way more. A frying pan. A big pot. I think we should get a fan just incase it is really hot.

I have to work tonight. 3 till 11. Putting kids to bed is always fun.

3 more days and then one more month.
Call me. We'll hang out.

I've been packing all day. My room is in shambles. It looks like my whole life exploded all over my carpeted floors.

I have a hard time not taking text books. I've spent thousands of dollars on them. I'm taking a chemistry, biology and several psychology (mostly developmental) texts with me. I work in mental health and I'm going to be a teacher. I'm gonna need these right?

I can't find my happy accident DVD. Last time I had it was a few months ago when I brought it over to Iain's when I had a movie night with Kathryn. It never left my bag. Where the fuck is it?

I work tomorrow and I work next thursday. i'll only have one more shift between then (when? I don't know, but I'm counting on the weekend). That means I'll have 5 days off this week (if I include yesterday then it is 6). Yay. And a huge pay check to boot.

Come home.

Things just aren't right.

five good days in a row. Then one bad (it wasn't really bad though, just not great). All I can focus is on that one bad day. All I can think about is how tomorrow might be bad to. It's not productive.

I have crazy packing to do this week. But all I want to do is hang out, maybe sing a little bit.

I resolve to take off wednesday and thursday. No work. I'll clean out my closet. I'll go through my books. I'll get rid of old clothes.

I'm going to go have a small drink. I need to calm down.

I have 14 days to complete 75 hours of work before the pay period ends and a new one begins. I can't go over these 75 hours (well I can but it involves overtime and that is complicated).

I'm 4 days into the current period and I am half way done already.
I have the potential to have a whole week off. Might not be all together but wouldn't that be great.

twp day off and three days on. I got my student loan stuff in on friday. I can officially go to school and live on my own (well live with you actually). School for the entire year and 6 months rent/cost of living is taken care of. All I need now is money for extra correspondent courses and 6 months more rent. But that's what my job is for.

Looking forward to visits. i miss you making fun of me. plenty of opprotunity though now with my new hiphop lifestyle.

One week and I'm on my own. Moving around furniture and make everything just right.

another night falling asleep in front of the TV. It's better that way. no thinking. no worrying. no feeling guilty.

At least not as much as I would in my own bed.

Everything I write sounds selfish.

I hear laughing and crying are quite the same
-Mike Redden

When I was little I hated listening to music late at night. This wasn't always the case. In grade five I met Amanda. She had just moved from Ottawa. She was smart, artsy and weird. I loved her. We became best-friends almost instantly. For two years we were unseperable. After I moved away we kept in touch for awhile but by the time we were in high school we didn't talk anymore.

Amanda used to sleep with the radio on. We had weekly sleepovers. I would sleep on the top bunk. Amanda was who introduced me to horror movies. First horror movie I ever saw? "Lost boys". I was never scared during the movies (maybe a little jumpy) but as it is with me, laying in bed always brings on the thoughts and the fear. It didn't help that we would play with Oujia boards for hours.

I know I associated those silly fears with music at night. This is particulary true with popular music. I would get a funny feeling in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. Only at night. When we would drive late at night I would always want to listen to the CBC because it was talk radio instead of music.

It was a silly childhood thing. I got over it. It's just music right.

Except for tonight at work I was watching TV. At three in the morning I turned it over to one of our two music video stations and that same feeling came rushing back to me. That nervousness, that fear.

weird

Things like work and bordem don't deserve words.
Trivial day to day activities seem even more trivial, no deserving a second glance.

I sit and I'm amazed. By the situation. By both of you. By the the reality of it all.

kisses and hugs and love every day, every moment, every second.

My hand is your hand.

It's 4:30 am right now, and I am at work. I am working an over night and I still have 2 and a half hours untill I can go home. I have wathced three movies (legally Blond, Save the last dance and Moonstruck). Man they play some crap on Tv in the middles of the night.

I've worked non-stop since tuesday. I get calls everyday asking me to come in and work. I've already been asked to work tomorrow, but it's a 9 am to 9 pm shift and I think that I need more than 2 hours sleep in between shifts. I will take tomorrow off and sleep. Then I am going to go watch french films.

On monday I have to walk around the hospital and try not to fall asleep fpr 8 hours straight.

I'm the youngest at work. They are all surprised when I tell them my age. The majority of my co-workers are at least 10 years older than me.

I feel shaky and weak eversince I got back. Almost like I'm nervous, but only somatically. It seems to be realted to when I eat (at least I think).

What am I going to do for two more hours....fuck

I'm finally working.
I had a shift yesterday (sorry I didn;t come back to see you but I was there unexpectedly untill 4pm. I'll visit you today though).

I train today, and I have a shift tomorrow.

14.5 hours this week. Hey that's better than no hours.

I've already been called in for shifts but I couldn't take them because of my training.

Yay yay I won't be broke. Fuckin' yay!

I also bought a camera case and I new agenda/planner.

*skips around in a Komono*

The last nine days were wonderful.

This is the last place I want to be.