Tonight felt good. sometimes you forget that they are children, and then all of a sudden you see it. Even though it was really little, I think the gesture actually made a difference.

Last night I watched the movie "Step Mom" and bawled my eyes out. I mean sobbed. I have never cried at a movie like that before. My head ached I cried so hard. I cried and I begged. It actually felt good.

Stuff right now just feels like it is all crammed together. You know that feeling you get just before finals when you are cramming in all the time, and just waiting for it all to be over so it can go back to normal? Well it feels like that, but I know it won't get back to normal untill at least Christmas, probably not untill April.

I'm going to go eat chocolate covered Granola bars.

Things are stressful. Lots of work. 12 hour days, day after day. Working with kids who will pounce, and you are just waiting for . three corespondance courses. 3 paper, 3 exams, 2 seven page assignments, 10 quizzes. The worst is that very sad things are happening and I have to focus on all this shit.

I used to fall asleep to the TV every night so my mind wouldn't race and keep me up all nigth. I wouldn't overwhelm myself. I can't do that now, I need a good night sleep. Plus Jon is on the couch.

So now what I do is physically visualize all the crap I'm thinking/stressing about leaving my brain. At first it was very simple. I would imagine it being a balloon floating from my brain, or some shit like that, or a cannon shooting it far away.

But that stoped working fairly quickly. So I had to start making more elaborate visuals up. Like I imagine my thoughts being on a piece of paper and I crumple it up and throw it out my window. All of a sudden an eagle comes and pickes the ball of paper up and starts flying away. I visulize it flying above halifax and going above the woods. It flies to a tree that is on the side of a large hill/small moutain, and feeds my thoughts to its children.

That is just one visual I have thought up. I try to make it different everytime. I actually visualize it in great detail. Like say I visualize me throwing the thoughts into the garbage, I actual visulize the garbage truck taking the exact route, street by street, to the dump (this is done in fast forward as not to take a lot of time).

This is why I am crazy. Looney.

But it works.

Monday- Work 12 hours, come home and watch 2 hour lecture
Tuesday- Repeat monday...wait... no Hedwig instead of lecture
Wednesday- Write 2500 word essay and watch 2 hour lecture
Thursday- Repeat Wednesday
Friday- Study like crazy...so something fun?

In the next week and a half I have 2 papers and a final exam, and at least 500+ pages of history to read. In the mean time I am also working 75 hours. I'll then be done one of my three courses. I will then in the next month have 3 more exams and one big paper.

I also work every weekend from now untill september.

I want a girls night. I want a movie night. I want to see Pirates. I want to hang out with my sister.

I was so hung over yesterday. I'm sure I was a source of entertainment for many, with all my diving into Ian's Duvet cover and screaming how good it felt (by the way, it was amazing!)

My sister lives down the road from me...for a month...and I am very excited!