I'm a master at procratenation. I've got it down to a science. First you check the computer. Read through all the emails and the posts and the blog updates. that will get a good 20 minutes at least. Then you go out to the living room and have a chat with your family about the previous night. That another half an hour. Then it's breakfast time, and not just crappy cereal or toast breakfast, but bacon and eggs breakfast. There goes 45 minutes eating and chatting it up in the dinning room. Then you walk by the TV room where your dad is watching the "feild of dreams". Even though it's half way done and you have seen this film at least 10 times, you decide it would be nice to sit down with dear old dad for just a few minutes to admire the film. You sit and watch it for a good hour and 15 minutes.

Then what do you do? Do you start your work. God no! It's been now almost 3 hours since you have checked your email and such so you have to have another check. Then when nothing new seems to be appearing you decide to write about how much you procrastenate just so you can continue the streak.

I would rather be doing anthing else right now....Anything.

I need a good swift kick in the ass if I'm going to do this this term.

At least if school occupies my worries than somethings will have to be put to rest. At least for a little while.

Last night was.....fun. I drank ( a little), I danced and I got to do some general hanging out. Also I had the smallest costume in the building, however my lack of clothing couldn't beat Sailor moon aparently. Though many funny sex with cartoons jokes were supplied throughout the evening.

Sadly there was no Candy on the premisies (it's Halloween for godsake!) but Sean came to the rescue acting as my offical candy dealer the entire night. That boy and also cut a mean rug!

I'm sorry if I was short with anybody at the end of the evening, but my night suddenly took a horrific turn that I would rather not get into, but thank you for accomodating me.

Though I would say the best part of the night would have had to be watching Jon put on melissa's socks and doing up her belt, and her running around the apartment with just her jeans and her bra on. Those were the best laughs I had all night.

I had strange dreams all night though. Familiar faces and familiar places, running all over town and being miserable and happy at the same time.

I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. I don't think it really matters though, it probably won't come up.

See you at the Attic

I'm skipping my first class because I am too lazy to get off my ass and go. Today should be a good day, that is if I can get through my lab presentation without a hitch.

but then then....it's fun girly night of fun! what that entails exactly I'm not quite sure. It might mean wearing scantly clad halloween costumes and prancing around the computer science building for a little bit, drinking cheap booze and eating free candy (there better be candy or I'm gonna cry).

I need this weekend. I need to get dressed up, pretend I'm somebody else, look gorgeous, dance and sing and laugh.

Last night I fell asleep in my own bed for the first time in weeks. It wasn't so bad, I might try it again sometime.

here I am.

I must avoid downstairs like the plague. 5 1/2 hours left. Just avoid it for 5 1/2 hours.

But Kathryn is down there. She is not making this easy. Girl talk is so much more appealing than studying for my stats midterm.

Last night I fell asleep as I was studying. I dreamt about math for half the night. Everything needed to be calculated. everything. they way I was laying down, the pillow I was sleeping on, the noise in the background from the TV. Every little thought that popped into my head seemed relavant to my test and oh so very important.

I have my math dreams.

I didn't get enough studying done today. I realize that I don't understaned a word my stats professor says. He takes a subject matter that I have uptill now done relatively well in and turns it ass backwards so that I can't begin to fathom what is going on. I'm worried about my midterm tomorrow. Very worried. I'm going to be stressed tonight.

On another note: I miss Kelly Boutilier

I've got a whole other hour to wait out here in the CS building. I know that I sang its praises the other day, however when there is no one in the building it can get quite boring. No Kathryn or Help Desk boys to bug.

I'm looking foward to this weekend. I need to have some fun.And I mean real "Omygod! this is so fun!" fun.

A little more than a month. That fact would usually be very reassuring if I didn't have everysingle assignment/paper/midterm/exam in that time period. But then I have an entire month off. I won't have to be at the goddamn school for an entire month! but what will I do? I'll still volunteer at the hospital of course and spend my weeknights watching the wonderful play we call ANNIE. I think we should have a big "Lets all go out night"-the kind where like 30 of us show up in the same place for several hours at a time. Also we should have another Girls night. I nominate Kurt's place again. That was great.

I might to take a little road trip over christmas. Sure it's onlyup to the Cape, but I can't see how a road trip with miss kelly-belly can't be an adventure. We would definatley try to make it one.

Well there you go. I'm off to study some more. I'm going to need to make sure I get a good nights sleep or I will be dead for my midterm tomorrow. The last week I have been up every night from about 2 till 3:30 thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about.

I fucking hate stats

I have the sudden urge to go listen to music and maybe go dancing. I don't think I have been dancing since pride weekend. That is a long time. I haven't danced in at least 3 months.

I need to dance. Let's go dance

1) Leather couches - I have three of these in my own home so you know I'm alreadt a fan. I particularly like the leather chairs infront of the elevator because I can curl up easily and take a nap. It's like a little leather pocket just for me.

2)Internet access- I love being able to plug in my laptop anywhere and have access to my email and the pleathera of blogs I visit throughout the day. I don't have to run around to computer lab after computer lab around the campus trying to fing a free computer.

3) Kathryn is here 4 out of 5 days of the week - I don't have much access to girls. I seem to always be surronded by guys. It is nice to be able to come sit for at least an hour and girl talk. I don't care if my work suffers, I need my girl talk!

4) Distractions- If I didn't want to be distracted I would go to the library. Sometimes when you are stressed out of your mind you need someone to distract you even if it's just for a few minutes.

5) Hot chocolate and coffee - Although I don't use the second cup much, when I do it is always appreciated.

6) You

7) I'm familiar - Professors say hello to me, Jeff always takes time to see how I'm doing, the second cup staff know me. I am slowly becoming one of the many constants of the building.

8)Free phone - I've saved so many quaters not having to use the pay phone, and if no one is around you can pretty much ignore the 5 minute rule till someone mossies on by, and then you still have 5 minutes....cause they don't know how long you have been there.

9) I'm connected- I've got the help desk behind me baby. When I'm in a bind I can always exchange a coffee for some prining credits, and even though I'm not techanically a computer science student, my computer is always well taken care of.

10) I have a locker- Well Jon has a locker, but I think I use it more than he does. I'm not that strong of a girl....I'm very liuttle.....so not having to lug my computer from the CS to the LSC than back to the CS is always very nice.

Sure not everyone around you has the best social skills or hygene, and the building often stinks of raw fish, I still love this building. For someone who isn't a CS major, I've basically spent the last 4 years here.

Hail to the CS building!

All my favorite songs are sad songs. I love the sad words and the sad melodies. The minor keys wrap me up in the song. I love singing sad words. My voice sings sad songs the best. I try to mix it up, try and put in an upbeat tempo song in there to not bore people with my meloncoly songs, but I really only want to sing the sadest of the sad songs. I believe they are the prettiest, the rawest, the best. The words don't even need to be sad. A sad melody will do. I don't listen to words all that much actually. I listen to actual notes being sung and played. That's what gets me first.

When people find out that I can sing, they often ask "What do you sing?" I usually just tell them that I sing almost anything. But I sing sadness, that's what I sing.

I'm sitting here trying to think of the saddest song I know..... there are so many. Exit music to a film always gets me. Already there by K's choice is very sad. I know by Jude. Too many to list

What is the saddest song you know?

Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

-I just don't think I'll ever get over you, Colin Hay

The house smells like garlic. Mom made an Italian dinner last night when Jenny Cooper was over. Everything still smells like garlic 24 hours later.

I love garlic. One of my many weaknesses. The taste, the aroma in the air. I love it.

When I went to Italy the food was amazing. I don't think that everyone knows that eating is not just and act but an experience. I actually gained 10 pounds when I went overseas. Though I haven't really been able to gain anymore since.

Well if you are what you eat in my case I'll be sweet so come and get some.
I'm so over it.

-Too much food, Jason Mraz

I own at least 21 pairs of underwear.

This is my friend Claire. Isn't she pretty? 

Pictures. Me in Ottawa this summer 

I have to put the push on today. Today I am going to distract myself with school work and studying. I only have one midterm this semester, so it is really hard to get into the study mode.

I had strange dreams last night. It's been a long time since I have been able to remember a dream so vidily, or that one seemed so real. Every movement seemed so natural, like I was really there. All the environments were familiar. I actually felt every sensation, every taste and every touch. It was very much like real life, though nothing like my own. It seemed to end where it should have began.

School work here I come.

Cause all has been gone and all has been done
And there's nothing left for us to say
But we could be together as they blow it all away
And we can share in every moment as it breaks
-Preaching at the end of the world, Chris Cornell

Well here I am. Three straight days of doing no work at all. I've avoided all possible school work at a time that I really can't afford to avoid it. This means this weekend I am going to go a little mad with the stress of overwork again.

As always I have been falling asleep on the couch everynight. I fall asleep around 10 or 11 then don't get to bed untill about 3 or so. usually this helps me avoid trying to fall asleep in bed and being kept up by my thoughts. but lately as soon as I hit the pillow in my bed the thoughts start racing. Mostly about school, sometimes about overall future things and sometimes about the other confusing aspects of my life. I'm probably awake from 3am till 4:30am or so before I've exhausted myself with thinking (or panicing, what ever you want to call it).

Jenny Copper is coming over for dinner tonight. She literally has to be the sweetest girl I know. It is not often that you find someone who is genuinly a nice person. I haven't met a person yet who hasn't fallen in love with her.

Two seats behind me, reclining
An angel is peering at me now from under a book
She catches me staring and smiles to the window
Again, I'm in love and with only a look
-Baby Ruth in Atlanta, Jude

I should be doing work right now but I've decided that I don't want to. Take that school!

I have a massage today....sooo nice. However I only have 4 sessions left and that makes me very sad. I've gotten use to the hour every week where I can just relax and get rubbed down :). I'm not really sure if it has helped any with my jaw and all, but it is still very enjoyable. I think I may try and make it a regular thing. Every few months or so I'll go see a massuse. Heaven, I'm in heaven.....

My uncle is coming for a small visit from Cape Breton. That should be fun. Everyone has that single uncle who is always the life of the party. That's uncle tony, well except that he is married now. It's very fun when he is over. We just sit and laugh and laugh.

Man are my posts boring when I do this update everyday thing. Nothing interesting to talk about because well I do the same thing every day. I'm gonna have to start switching things up so that I have something to write about. Start stirring up some shit! or I could go home and fall asleep to the TV watching LOST. goddamn television sucks me in every time.

I really want to see Motorcycle diaries. It looks really good.

you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well I'm already finally out of words.
-You and I both, Jason Mraz

That was the worse presentation I ever did. Worst. I'm a good public speaker . . . usually. I just nosed dived. At least it's done. Kinda. I have 3 more in the next 3 weeks. Wheeeeeeeee!

Okay. Mom and Dad got home this morning. We got lots of presents. They really outdid themselves. But now I have a super new sexy sweater. I'm talking super sexy. No one will be able to resist me. NO ONE. (I'm very tired, pay no attention to what I'm saying)

I'm sitting here (where else other than at the CS!) waiting for Sarah to finish classes so we can run home and here stories about Italy. I so wish I could have gone. My trip to Europe was by far the most amazing time I have ever had. I'd do anything to be able to go back. ANYTHING (wink wink nudge nudge)*

I wish I could see Claire. Mom said that we would really click. That we are more similar now. I do miss her. I love my friends so much, but I don't have anyone around that I have known for my entire life. I don't have that type of bond here. It has been about 6 years since I've seen her. I mean really seen her, not see her for a weekend where we barely get past the stage of small talk.

I can't sleep at night
I worry 'bout the implication
Of diving into deep
Perhaps it's just the complication
---Overkill, Colin Hay


I don't work this weekend (Work work, I've always got school work)
Someone make me do something. Something substantial. Something Fun

I'm sorry, I have don't have it in me to write anything significant right now. I just want a good time to take my mind off this confusing mess.

God damn I'm sexy!

*pay do attention to my lame jokes and rantings. I am running only on the energy from a banana muffin from this morning and a candy neckless Sean just gave me. Hmmmm...candy necklace.....

I'm going on about maybe 4 hours of sleep. I decided last night that it would be just dandy to not go to bed till 3 and then wake up around 6:30. I'd rather be up doing things than laying in my bed thinking about everything. Things are hectic and things are confusing. I have no idea what is going on with me.

Every day I get closer and closer to Christmas break and that is all I really care about. Up till Dec 8 I will be going like crazy. Till then everything else needs to be put on hold. I can only deal with so much at one time. I don't even think I will have time to do anything for my Birthday, its when everything is due. Maybe in December we can all go out and celebrate late birthdays.

I had cupcakes for breakfast this morning. I think I may again tomorrow.

Please pray to the Mathmatical Gods to postpone my stats midterm till next week. I will bring you cupcakes!

I'm destructive
Self destructive

Good for me


*note to those who are reading: I'm not usually like this. I am a very happy girl usually. Stress is consuming me a little bit. Do not think this is who I am. I'm slowly, hopefully, getting back to who I am.

This is Dr. Brown, the professor who took us out to dinner the other night. Very brilliant and sweet man, but a little scary when he is coming at you for a kiss!

Let's plan to do something amazing. Something that we will remember forever and ever. What? I have no fucking clue.

Give me something to do that I don't have to use to define who I am or will be.

Make me laugh.

Just make me laugh

I'm trying this new thing where I try to update reguarly. hmmmm...not sure if I can do this

Last night was....interesting.
First I got my award. That's always good. Except I still don't know what I won. Apparently it will be a few weeks before I find out. It's ironic that they gave the award to the student with most potential in as a practionar/clinical psychologist to the girl who wants to run as far away as possible from psychology.

Then we had to watch an hour or so lecture from a former (we are talking the 70's here) winner of the award. I sat and listened four an hour about the mouse genome. I tried to understand it all, but I have to say that I failed miserably.

Then we went out to dinner at....anatolias? this turkish restaurent. I have discovered that tukish food is kinda like greek food, but better! Dr. Brown knew the owners so it was great! they just kept putting more and more food infront of us for about 2 hours. I ended up talking to Dr. Brown most of the night about neptune and the movie buisness in Halifax. The night ended with Dr. Brown kissing me on the cheek after he had consumed at least an entire bottle of wine. Interesting....

Then it was off to geek beer, which was sadly lacking the prettier of the two sexes. It's always fun listening to drunks sing Kareoke for 2 hours straight (note sarcastic tone) Eeyor sings Kareoke! Though all and all, I had a nice time chatting it up and laughing. And falling off my shoes.

I should be doing school work right now. I have a half hour presentation about phobias to do on tuesday. And I have to clean up my pigstye of a house. Mom and dad are coming back on monday! I just remembered that I had a dream last night that mom and dad came back and told me they brought something really cool back from italy that was waiting in the car. We went to the car and there was a baby sitting in a car seat. Yikes!

Also in the last 4 days I have had 2 dreams about the computer science building and it's aray of characters. I think I need to find a new place to do work.

So, what's going on tonight?

cute!

Here I am at the second cup in the computer science building. I'm spending more and more of my time here. It's nice to be able to look up and see familiar faces.

I'm supposed to be doing work. I was very good for the last month to be very non-specific about my "time line" with my supervisor, but I made the mistake the other day saying that I "should" have stuff done my tomorrow. SO now I have to do stuff by tomorrow. (that was not a complaint, its a fact)

Lets do something fun. Spinning around in circles fun. My next few days will be spent infront of my computer reading and writing, and trying to pull a half an hour presentation from my ass. Therefore I propose that my evenings should be fun (and not lounging on the couch like they most likely will be).

I'm unsure what my dinner will be like tomorrow. I don't know who else won this award, so I don't know who else is going. Should I dress up? I think I may wear my generic tan skirt. Dr. Brown is coming with us. I'm not sure if this is a good thing. I have always enjoyed talking with him, but he has a tendency to be a little inappropiate sometimes. Dr. Brown = Santa Clause making drunken sexual advances on the single moms. He's very amusing.

You know what television show I love? Haunted places (or something to that sort). It's these people that go to haunted castles and manors all over europe and film what they find. It's always night and always pitch black. Basically you watch them scream at doors slamming and "cold spots". It's sad I know but I could watch all day. well maybe not all day. Maybe for like an hour and 15 minutes.

I can't wait for christmas break. Well that's almost true. I'd be really excited for the break if I didn't have to watch "Annie: the musical" 6 times a week for 6 weeks straight. That's hearing "Tomorrow" a good 36 times, day after dat after day. It's a hard knock life I tell you.

Kelly come home. We'll go to Clay Cafe.

Well I think that has been at least 5 minutes.....Holy fist fuck I hate school!

Fucking Hell!

My face hurts, my back hurts, my head hurts, my brain hurts.

A red pen does not mean that you are giving useful feedback. Crossing out an entire paragraph doesn't tell me a fucking thing. Open your god damn fucking mouth and be specific.

Fuck Fuck Fuck

How am I going to get anything done? All I want to do is curl up and sleep.

I am so over school.

and a fun time was had by all.

fuck you

I'm trying very hard to make it look like I know what I'm doing. I don't. At all.

I need to have fun. I need to feel like I am having the most fun I have ever had. I need to sing songs that no one has ever heard me sing. I need to dance and dance and dance. I need someone to show me a good time.

I need to meet new people. I really enjoy asking all the qestions you ask new people. Where do you work? What are you studying? Do you like that? How are you? Are you having a good time? I'm not making small talk, I really want to know.

I feel like there are people that I have been meeting over and over for months now.

I think I need another trip. I think I need to go across the ocean. I need to rekindle friendships over there. I need to talk to people who have known me my whole life.

I need to watch my favorite movies all in a row. hours and hours of the movies that make me want to sing and dance. Moulin Rouge. Goodwill Hunting. Garden state. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Happy accidents. Amelie. West side story. hedwig and the angry inch. That will take up a good 16 hours!

Have you ever noticed that most of my sentences start with "I"? Am I sounding crazy?

We should all say something nice to someone everyday. We should all make someone feel special for just one moment. That way we will always know that someone is thinking about us. then maybe we wouldn't be so scared of everything and everybody. There are so many people that I would like to know more about, and I don't say anything.

I enjoy that we all have blogs. I know that they are censored and often written in code, but we write them in code because we hope that someday someone will crack apart of it. I read them all. Everyday. People who should be strangers to me are little bit more known. Don't get me wr0ng, I'm not saying that I know these people because of their blogs, as I said before, we are all guarded in what we share. But these people make us laugh, smile, think and we relate to what we think they are saying.

We follow link after link till we loop back to ourselves.

i am a Freudian Fraud

I really don't think I can do this. I'm not seeing how I can.
Stop giving me praise and just give me a break.
Too much....too much

I bought a 40$ pillow today. It was made by Astronauts